When Did You Lose Yourself ?
That’s what my therapist asked me when I told her:
“I moved to Canada to find myself.”
What a great come-back question! I had no idea how to answer that. We don’t know what we don’t know. So I didn’t know I was lost until I intentionally tried to find out who I really am.
WE ARE OUR IDENTITIES
Are we really though? My cultural upbringing is quite mixed. My parents are Chinese immigrants, and I was born and raised in Peru. I was always “La China” to my Peruvian friends. Then, when I lived in San Francisco in my teenage years, I was labeled the “Peruvian girl” by my Asian American friends. When I moved to Beijing after college, I was the “foreigner” who looked Chinese to locals. You’re from Peru? No way, you look Chinese!
I always stood out but I was also great at blending in. In many ways, I was a chameleon. I often disguised in my environment, and switched my colour when I wanted to shine.
WE BECOME WHAT’S EXPECTED OF US
“You have to be the best in everything because you’re Chinese”. These are the words ingrained in my brain by my mom. So I became the olympic player in my own life.
I worked to become the perfect daughter for my parents – meeting their expectations of what I should study, do and become. I was always the top of my class in school and the star student of many professors. I thrived at work and became a top performer for my managers. I worked to be seen as an independent woman, confident, desirable and wife material.
And though many of my achievements were driven by my personality and strengths, I was never truly conscious if the decisions I was making were motivated by me or others.
THE START OF MY “OFFICIAL” AUTHENTICITY JOURNEY
I had to shut the noise completely to hear my own voice. This is when I decided to leave everything behind and move to Canada on my own in 2019. I came into this empty canvas to find out who I was and what I wanted in life.
Let me tell you that coming from a full picturesque painting with people, travel, and love (much like the painting above) to an empty canvas was pretty scary. Now what? I was afraid to hear crickets as an answer.
I ASKED MYSELF INFINITE WHYS
Do I really like business or should I try to find something else?
Turns out I DO like working in business and tech, but I love people too – so I became a professional coach.
Why do emotions seem to affect me more than to other people?
Emotions such as joy, gratitude, sadness, anger. Later, I learned that I’m a Highly Sensitive Person: people that have an increased or deeper central nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. I was mind blown by this discovery! I’m also an Empath meaning I’m highly aware of the emotions of those around me and can feel those emotions myself. Wow.
Did I become a yoga teacher because yoga is “trendy”?
I found out that I love yoga because it helps me calm the noise, and connect me to the present, myself and the bigger picture which I like to call Mother Earth or the Universe.
Today, I can describe my personality a lot more than I could for over 20 years. I choose to use identities that feel authentic to me such as Latina, Asian, Enthusiast (Enneagram Type 7), ambivert, female leader, etc. I can also tell you my strengths with conviction, and not the BS that makes you feel like an imposter in job interviews.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR CANVAS?
I completely filtered my canvas and painted a cleaner one that was authentic to my beliefs, values and drivers. I keep adapting it, it looks messy but I’m happy and at peace with it.
My authenticity journey was pretty radical. But I want people to know that you don’t have to move to another country to find your true self, although you can if you want to. You can regularly clean your canvas and decide what to keep there.
As an Authenticity Coach, my passion is to help people find out what is true for them, what they really want in life and be courageous to go after it.
I’m not the authenticity expert in your life, only you can find out what that would look like. But I’ll help, so you don’t have to do it alone. My coaching style is based on awareness and action!
My last words – although we coaches don’t like to give advice, here’s one anyway:
Be brave to show yourself as who you really are, tell your own story and sing your true song.
THE OFFICIAL LINE
Stephanie Hoi is a Certified Coach who focuses on authenticity in personal and professional growth.
With over 8 years of professional experience in Fortune 500 tech companies like IBM and agile startups like Slack, she’s developed ways to fast-track your professional goals to get you where you want to be.
She holds two Bachelor’s degrees in Business Administration from University of South Florida (US) and International Business from Universidad San Ignacio de Loyola (Peru). She’s also a Certified Organizational Coach from University of British Columbia (Canada), making her an outstanding leadership thinking partner.
Yet, she recognizes that growth not only happens at work but also through every aspect of people’s life, such as relationships with the self and others, money, health and fitness.
Stephanie believes in holistic wellness and became a Certified Yoga Teacher by the Yoga Alliance in Bali (Indonesia) to help her clients achieve alignment through Mind, Body and Heart.