Being a people pleaser can be so ingrained in us that we won’t even notice it.
2016 is the year I decided to go back home to Peru after living two years in China. My flight back home stopped through Seoul, so I thought: why not stay a few days to enjoy the city?
After a long day of moving out of China, an evening flight, going through immigration and customs, and a train ride from the airport to the city, I finally made it to the subway station!
Have you ever been to the subway stations in Seoul? They’re insanely huge, almost like underground cities.
I remember after 30 minutes walking with my two 30 kg luggages, absolutely exhausted, I finally found my exit to my Airbnb. A few more steps and I’d finally be on the ground floor! Then I saw a really long escalator and my smart-ass brain took the shortcut instead of looking for an elevator.
Little did I know that was one of the dumbest decisions I’ve ever taken.
I had one luggage in front of me and one behind me. While I was almost up there, the wheels of the luggage in front of me started to tilt and it fell on top of me. In the splash of a second 60 kgs of luggage were going down with me to the bottom of the escalator.
The only thing I could think about then was, OMG I’m going to cause an accident and hurt someone!
Indeed, there was someone on the escalator behind me and I started screaming “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” as I rolled all the way down. I was so knocked that I couldn’t even get up as I was being dragged back up by the moving escalator. Thank god I didn’t drag this woman with me, she did a pretty good job dodging me and also running away since she didn’t bother trying to help me.
So what am I trying to say here? I could have literally died if my hair got sucked in the escalator steps! But instead, I thought about a stranger’s needs and well-being before myself.
Moral of the story: Take care of yourself before taking care of others.
This was a pretty extreme example but, sometimes we’re just too used to thinking about others that we lose ourselves in the process.
It’s probably been a while since we could travel often due to the pandemic! But let me remind you of that moment when the flight is preparing to take off. In the security demo, the flight staff teach us that in the event of an emergency, to put our oxygen mask on before we assist children and others, we must do that in our life too.
When we devote ourselves to helping people without taking care of ourselves first, we lose our sense of self and we feel like there is something missing in our lives. We might even feel guilty for feeling this way. Believe me I get it, if you’re into astrology, I’m a virgo and we’re known to be givers.
I’m not telling you to stop caring for people, I’m simply trying to bring some awareness of your current approach so you can think if this serves you or not.
So here’s my ask:
In what ways are you giving to others and to yourself? How do you refill your cup after giving? How can you find a balance?
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